Mind-Hack
By Ariana Stadtlander
This is bad. This is bad.
Breathe.
Come on now, Claire. Come on. You can do it.
Breathe.
Oh. My. --
No. No no no nononono noooooo.
NO.
Close my eyes, that’s it. Now splash some water on my face. Look in the mirror.
Nope.
It’s not a bad dream.
Crap.
Right. Take a deep breath. In. Out. Remember what Hot Yoga Instructor always says. Remember the breath. The breath will help me experience my higher Self.
I’m not experiencing my higher anything right now.
I really should stop paying for those lessons.
Or learn Hot Yoga Instructor’s name.
Focus.
Oh, I can’t believe he came.
Take another breath.
Yeah, still not working.
He came, he came, he came.
I specifically asked Lynn not to invite him. How could she do this to me?
Right. Breathe.
Splash my face again. Dry it off. Look in the mirror.
I look like a rabid racoon.
Wipe away the smudged mascara around my eyes.
Comb my fingers through my hair.
Smooth my shirt.
Okay. Ready?
Wait.
Reach inside my purse and pull it out.
This really is my favorite shade. I should wear it more often.
Pop the lid and generously apply.
Woah.
Not too generously.
Wipe some of it off. You’re not a hooker, for goodness’ sake!
Gotta show him you’re worth more than that.
Good. That’s better.
Okay. And breathe.
Reach for the door, release the lock, turn the handle. Open.
Walk out into the dining room.
There he is.
Don’t panic.
No. Don’t you dare walk back into that bathroom!
Claire, don’t run. It’s gonna be fine.
Move my feet, pull out the chair, and sit down.
Crap.
I see him.
Why did I pick the seat right across from him?
Am I stupid?
I must be stupid.
Hear the scraping of another chair across the floor.
No.
Feel the humiliation. The awkwardness.
Why?
Why is she sitting right next to me?
Turn my head and fake a smile.
She’s looking at me strange.
Didn’t I smile?
Or was it a grimace?
I just grimaced at her, didn’t I?
“So, you know Nick?”
Don’t talk to me. Why are you talking to me?
About Nick.
Why are you talking to me about Nick?
Nod your head. Give a simple answer.
Good. Now that that’s over with…
Pick up my fork, stab a piece of chicken, bring to my lips, chew.
Repeat.
Just keep doing that and it’ll be okay.
Pass through dinner in complete silence.
Avoid her gaze.
Ignore her stupid questions.
And don’t look across the table either.
Is he staring at me?
Why do I care?
I don’t. Not all.
Nope, nada, zilch.
“I’ll go get the dessert.”
Hear Lynn get up and leave the room.
Offer to help.
Chase after her.
Safe again.
But the kitchen door doesn’t lock like the bathroom.
Crap.
“You okay?”
What do you think?
Nod instead and smile uneasily.
Open the fridge. Reach for the pie.
Blueberry -- mhmm, my favorite.
Also Nick’s favorite.
Hopefully not her favorite.
“Can you grab the whipped cream? Ya know, I’m so sorry I invited him. I honestly figured he wouldn’t come once he knew you were coming too. But he seemed to want to see you. ‘Clear the air’, he said. I didn’t know he was going to bring a plus one. It’s awkward, isn’t it?”
What is? That you’re a grown woman who still needs to learn to use her head! Think, Lynn, think!
“Seriously. She looks just like you. Don’t tell me you didn’t see it? The hair, the eyes. She’s even got a cute little mole over her left eyebrow -- just like you. Freaky, isn’t it? Why, if I hadn’t known any better, when the two of them came through the door, I would’ve thought you and Nick had gotten back together or something. Didn’t you see? The way she practically plastered herself all over him? Wouldn’t leave his side. Held onto his hand...the entire time. Like, give me a break.”
Lynn, why’d you think I ran to the bathroom?
I was resisting the urge to puke all over your new divan.
Reach for the bowl of whipped cream, remove the plastic wrap, throw it to the side.
Wonder if it was any better to have come in here then to stay out there.
I Inwardly sigh as Lynn keeps talking.
What a motor mouth sometimes. Honestly
“How are you doing? You disappeared there for a couple of minutes.”
No, duh.
“You know what I think?”
Please, Lynn, tell me.
“I think you should be flattered. You should take this as a good sign.”
You’ve got to be kidding me.
Give her an incredulous stare.
“No, no really. Hear me out. It’s a compliment that she looks just like you. You know why? C’mon, tell me you know what this means?”
That Nick has a type?
“No! Well, yes. But no, not what I was getting at. It means he’s not over you. Really. Think about it. You guys break up less than two months ago, and already he’s with someone else, right?”
Why don’t you just rub it right in, Lynn?
Go ahead.
Like salt into a wound.
Really.
It’s fine.
“Okay, sorry, sorry, sorry. But, seriously. That girl just screams rebound! Clearly, he isn’t over you because he’s going out with flippin’ Clair 2.0. He still wants you.”
Scoff.
You’re deranged.
Here, have some blueberry pie. Maybe some sugar will rejog your memory.
He broke up with me, remember?
“Yeah, I do. But that doesn’t mean he’s not regretting it now. You should talk to him.”
And say what?
“Well, I don’t know. That you want to try again? Tell him to drop the Claire-look-alike and start dating the real-deal-Claire? Whatcha think? C’monnnnn. You guys were too cute together. Definitely too cute to just give up and not try again. Especially when he’s giving you such a sign. He’s practically telling you he wants to get back together. Like, seriously, did you see her. That ish is seriously creepy. You guys could be twins. Wait. Oh. My. Gosh. Do you think you could be twins? Your parents could’ve separated you at birth or something. They kept you, obviously, because you were the nicer one, and they loved you more. But, her...Maybe she lived a tragic childhood, and now she’s come back here, to find her real family and finally be reunited with them. Do you think?”
Sigh and roll my eyes.
I think you watch way too much TV. Now, let’s go get this over with. And, please, don’t suggest playing any games or anything after they’re finished eating. Kick them out if you have to.
“I can’t. That’d be rude.”
Lynn, no one could ever take you for being rude. You could throw them out into a snowbank, and they would still love you.
“You really think so?”
Why do you think I’m still around?
I see Lynn smile, all pleased with herself.
Hear the scraping of plates as she grabs them from a cupboard.
Take a deep breath.
Brace myself.
Head back out into the living room.
See Nick. See her.
Lynn’s words won’t get out of my head.
She does look just like me.
Take a slice of blueberry pie.
Wow, it’s delicious.
Lynn sure knows how to bake.
“So, how did you two meet?”
Close my eyes, set my jaw.
Geez, Lynn, keep your mouth shut. Do you not know how to keep your mouth shut?
Hear Nick clear his throat.
Look up. Catch his eye briefly and then look back down at my plate.
“At that patisserie down the street from Warren’s Diner. Kelly works there. She was selling samples that day and asked if I’d like to try a lemon poppyseed scone. Well, I love poppy seeds.”
Yes, I know.
“So, I took one. And right then, some customer bumped into me from behind. My coffee spilled all over the place, and the scone dropped right onto the floor! Kelly handed me some napkins to clean myself off, and then she handed me another scone. She said, ‘I’m only allowed one scone per customer, but for you, I’ll make an exception’. And, I guess we hit it off from there.”
“That’s interesting.”
Good, Lynn. Now drop it.
“Claire, you used to work at a bakery, didn’t you?”
Nod your head. Blush as everyone turns to look at you.
Oh, no.
Great. So much for remaining unnoticed.
I force a smile and look at Nick.
He’s watching me.
With a deep, interested stare.
Crap.
Could big-mouth Lynn be right?
Crap.
I open my mouth to speak and, magically, words come out.
And so the most awkward night of my life really begins.
© 2019 Ariana M. Stadtlander